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Dysfunctional Democratic National Convention Grab your popcorn and pull up a chair.

Grab your popcorn and pull up a chair, because this week is the Democratic National Convention, running Monday, August 17 to Thursday, August 20 in an empty conference room in Delaware.

Instead of the 50,000 expected to be in attendance to see Joe Biden formally crowned King of the Democrats, thanks to the COVID hoax the whole painful experience will be streamed online and foisted onto your tv screens from 6pm-8pm Pacific time.

I expect the interest levels will be right up there with commercials for IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).

At least irritable bowels have a medical diagnosis -- unlike Joe, who appears to have been declared medically competent to be Leader of the Free World on the basis that he can ride a bike.

My friend’s four-year-old can ride a bike too, but I am not imagining Americans would trust him to decide the monetary policy of the world’s largest economy.

Moved from Milwaukee to an empty hotel room in Delaware, the convention's atmosphere will be about as animated as Nancy Pelosi’s face — which remains frozen in time, like some wooly mammoth defrosting angrily in the Speaker's Chair.

Things kick off to a flying start on Monday when Governors Andrew Cuomo and Gretchen Whitmer (NY and Michigan respectively) will update the nation with just how effectively they have managed to imprison their people, bankrupt small businesses in their state, and undermine law enforcement. Democrats call this multitasking.

Cuomo even has impressive new figures to talk about — a staggering 358% rise in weekly shootings in NYC compared to last year and 4 shot dead in 48 hours. Inspiring stuff!

On Tuesday, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has been given only one minute to talk — partly as a punishment for supporting Bernie Sanders and partly to avoid giving the brute Squad any oxygen when Joe is trying to suffocate the notion that he is merely a frontman for leftist extremists — which he is.

A-O-Castro has called her time allocation God’s minute, referring to a short poem by the same name. She flatters herself. Pro-abortion Democrats should be advised to keep God out of their conversations.

It is actually the Instagram minute, as the DNC Comms Team knows only too well. She will be rehearsing those sixty-seconds harder than Meghan Markle rehearsing her lines to steal a Prince.

I notice her comrades Rashida Taliban and Ilhan Omar-God-I’ve-Gotten-Married-Again, aren’t permitted to talk. It will be a relief to leftist Jews (who ally themselves with these lowlifes) that this level of Jew-hatred is not going to be tolerated until AFTER the convention.

The old guard have been called back from prostituting themselves on Netflix to try and deflect from Biden’s obvious failings. Michelle Obama plans to pose up a storm in thigh-high boots and a power wig to talk about his menopause (her menopause -- my mistake), and Barack will be casually seated in a bespoke suit to pause a lot while looking into the middle distance, and make those pauses really count.

We can all look forward to Hillary Clinton in a pantsuit regurgitating her favorite stories about how she won the popular vote and has nothing to do with the Clinton Body Count tally at 34 — and that’s not including Ghislaine Maxwell. She will be 35.

In an effort to try to make things more interesting, speakers have been asked to record their presentations in dynamic locations, not in their office or in front of a bookshelf, as is the trend on CNN.

I have it on good authority that Governor Gavin Newsom, California’s Lockdown King, plans to do it in front of a massive pile of human excrement at a homeless encampment in LA. Some of his 150,000 homeless friends will be there in the background to cheer him along. Some will be naked; many won't have a clue what planet they are on.

And Mike Bloomberg is going to deliver his on top of Mount Rushmore so he will finally feel tall.

Most excitingly, Bill Clinton is going to do it in his office with an intern.

When Biden speaks to accept his place as the Democrat nominee, it will be to an empty conference hall, and a bitterly divided party. There is no humor in his apparent confused state of mind. Only disgust that those who love him let him be used in this way.

As for Trump supporters? We will watch with the same face we use when watching less able kids play sports -- or not so-attractive people dating. Hiding our pity with a smile.

You won’t want to miss it, folks!

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