10. I told my doctor I swallowed a wrench. He said, “This tool—shall pass!
9. Never point a finger when you can lend a hand
8. I have an alter ego but only every other day.
7. My wife offered me a broom when she saw a foot of snow on my car. I told her, “Okay, but you’ll have to teach me how to fly it. "
6. Be an oasis not a mirage.
5. Sometimes you have to put your foot down to get a leg up
4. I grew up on a crocodile ranch. I was an only child—eventually
3. My dog got into my stash of Viagra— at least he stopped chasing his own tail.
2. There’s a lot of testosterone in my marriage—too bad none of its mine.
1. I’m not smart enough to dumb things down.